blue trick

the loss of a daughter without gaining a son
and the ‘like, wouldn’t it just, like, be easier if you just, sort of like, picked one?’
well for you
probably
for me it’s all speculatory
for my famly YES.
See yesterday I cut off the last parts of me
Recognizable in my mothers silhouette
A pound and a half of flesh
And tomorrow – yesterday’s trash
And I’m a little bit regret
And a little bit happiness
Witness self-hate
Witness mutation
Witness my father’s even breast
Breaking into hysteria at negotiation
Witness awakening
See I went to sleep proud
And I woke up feeling like a sell out
Like I’m fucking the binary
Like I’m putting out for the system that
Couldn’t put up with me
Like now I’m part of this silent hierarchy
That we’ve set up for those who transition medically
When really, well, that’s not how I feel at all
So I’m calling on my community
To commute
To move past passing judgement
Cause it was 26 years before I saw anything beautiful in me
26 years
Each with three hundred sixty five days in between
Nearly ten thousand dawns of dysphoria
Of waking under waterfalls
Waiting to be washed clean
Or carried off
And we are eighty percent water
Fluidity seems only natural
To change state?
A birthright.